Oh, the pre-teen years. Our oldest daughter is 12 and it blows my mind how quickly she is growing up. She’s at that age now where she’s not really into cartoons, she’s into make-up, shoes, fashion, nails, you name it.
Of course, like any other kid, she has negative thoughts creep in her head from time to time. Thoughts about being pretty, about being good enough, about being able to do and be “good at” certain things.
Whenever I hear her talk about those negative things, it breaks my mama heart because of course, I want her to know how loved she is, how special she is, and just how amazing she is, and how she should have all of the confidence in the world.
But it’s not that simple. And all we can do as parents is be there. To listen, to help, to guide, and to advise.
From a mom of a very pre-teen daughter, here are my top ways to help your pre-teen daughter with confidence.
Being able to communicate is something that should be taught at a young age. It’s something that almost everyone struggles with, some more than others. But communication is vital for healthy relationships.
It’s important to communicate with your pre-teen. Yes, even when you’re annoyed, angry, or even frustrated. Those are especially the times that need it the most. Keep the lines of communication open about siblings, school, friends, and their interests.
Building trust is so important. It’s also important to distinguish the line between mom and friend, which yes, sometimes those do overlap. When your pre-teen trusts you, they are willing to talk to you about the random and the hard and awkward stuff.
And trust me. You want your daughter to come to you about the hard and awkward stuff and not come to anyone else.
3. Words Of Encouragement
Every girl needs to hear words of encouragement! Some people more than others, but being a pre-teen is hard and they just want to feel heard and seen. Some words of encouragement that you can use with your pre-teen daughter are:
- You can do anything that you put your mind to
- You are a wonderful sister and daughter
- I am proud of the woman you’re becoming
- You are a shining star
There are millions of other encouraging things you can say to your daughter. We all need our cup filled, and words of encouragement sure help fill it up.
And of course, other ways to get words of encouragement is through reading! Check out this series of books that Christian teens will love!
4. Sharing Your Experience
Telling your daughter about your life before you gave birth to her may be hard for a lot of reasons. As parents, we want our kids to be better than we were. Better than we are. We also don’t want to see them make the same mistakes as kids or pre-teens, even adults, as we did.
We want them to know more than we did. We want them to know the potential outcome of something, so they can remember and hopefully avoid the heartache or hard times.
Sharing your past experiences with your daughter is going to equip them to know better!
There are few things more encouraging than shopping! My kids get a huge thrill going to the store to pick things out. Whether it be some clothes, nails, or things for their hair.
It makes them feel beautiful and it also makes them happy, so that is just a win/win. Of course, this isn’t always the answer, but sometimes it can help just a little.
6. Having A Girls Day
This is something that my daughters and I have started doing this year. The week before school started I took the day off of work and we just had a really fun day out.
We got our hair trimmed, went out to eat, went to the mall, and went to the park. Was I totally exhausted by the middle of the day? Yes. But it was absolutely worth it and they’ve begged to keep it a tradition. I just wish I started it sooner!
There is nothing like starting the school year off right. They got some new clothes and shoes and are ready to feel confident when they go back to school. And of course, they are told a million times that they don’t need any of those external things to feel beautiful (such as make-up, nails, etc).
So plan a girl’s day, a sure way to build back up that confidence!
7. Leading By Example
Now this one is tough. I think we all as parents try to lead by example whether we know we are or not. It’s really hard to tell your kids not to do something that they blatantly see you doing.
So, I try to lead by example.
When it comes to being confident, some od the ways I lead by example are:
- Not talking bad or down about myself
- Not wearing make-up all the time to prove the point that I am beautiful without it
- Handling situations with confidence
- By not giving up
Now, do I do all of that 100% of the time? No, Because I’m not perfect and no mom is. But the most important thing is, I don’t give up.
8. Praying Together
Praying with my pre-teen daughter has been so beneficial for her and for me. It gives you a chance to connect on a deeper level and it is so powerful.
I only wish I started praying with her at a younger age.
Praying can help build confidence in so many areas of your life and your pre-teen daughter. Praying is a level of comfort that nothing else can fulfill.
It’s never too late to start praying with your pre-teen daughter, either! I often think of this bible verse when I think of being encouraged. What else can be more encouraging than the Lord?
“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”‘Isaiah 41:10 NLT
I truly hope you’ve enjoyed these powerful ways to help your pre-teen daughter with confidence! Let me know in the comments what has worked for your pre-teen daughter, or what worked for you as a pre-teen!
Related Post: Biblical Wisdom For The Stressed Mom